Friday, January 23, 2009

Obama Mama



I am awfully proud of our country this week, and have so much faith in my prez - I can hardly stand it! No other elected official has inspired as much optimism in me than Barack Obama. And Eva is a YUGE fan as well . . . I love that she knows this is an historic time, and feel terribly virtuous for my role in this. May she always have ideals worth fighting for, knowing that people can make a difference - just like we did when we campaigned for Obama!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Brief Bio

The title says, "brief", but as a blog entry, it's a long one. I wrote this as an assignment for a class that I took last year, called PLA, which stands for Prior Learning Assessment. The class is to determine whether or not you have life experience from which you can apply the skills used to earn college credit. In order to do this, we had to log all of our experiences from which to extract these skills. It was cumbersome and very enlightening. The starting point was the following bio:

Mary Elizabeth Gail Stuckenschneider Stahl Loudermilk: My Life Since 1979

I’ll be blunt: I barely graduated high school. My Dad’s job precipitated my family’s move from Silver Spring, MD to Beaverton, OR the summer before my senior year. I wanted to stay where I’d spent grades 4 - 11 (I was born in St. Louis, MO - my family moved to MD when I was 9) and graduate with my friends. Instead I squeaked by, skipping classes and getting high. I was an above-average student until then, but I used the move as an excuse to slack off. My siblings and I weren’t encouraged to attend college. Neither of my parents had, and most of our contemporaries just went to work after graduation. My oldest brother is still the only one of seven of us to have graduated college.

After I got my diploma (I didn’t attend graduation), I just wanted a “good job”- my only goal was to leave my parents’ house. They’re great people, but were unhappily married. I lived with my boyfriend and cashiered at Fred Meyer. Even though I was still a hard partier, I was also a hard worker and took on increasing responsibilities. In the fall of 1981 I got my own place and enrolled at PCC Sylvania. I’d earned 70 credits towards an Associates Degree in Merchandising when my ’67 Impala was stolen, along with my schoolbooks and 10-speed in the trunk (kept there in case my car broke down). I couldn’t keep up both working full-time and going to school while taking the bus. Those credits have gathered dust until now.

Lacking a degree didn’t prevent my advancement at Fred Meyer. After 8 years in the stores, progressing from pharmacy cashier to Hallmark department head, I was offered a position as a Buyer’s Assistant in the main office. I maintained my seniority while moving to different areas of the company, which kept my outlook fresh. From Health and Beauty Aids to Nutrition Center and Apparel, I advanced from Buying through Merchandising to the Executive office, peaking as assistant to the VP of Asset Management. My administrative and professional skills increased, and while I was downsized twice, I always found other areas where my abilities were welcomed.

I met Brian Stahl in 1987, and we married in 1990. Brian was a carpenter with law enforcement aspirations, which were shot down after a brief, painful term with the Portland Police Bureau in the mid-90s. By then I’d been with Fred Meyer for 16 years - almost half my life. It was time for a change. Brian and I had vacationed in southern Colorado and loved it, and after the police bureau fiasco, we planned our escape to Pagosa Springs, CO. Brian found work as a carpenter again, and I traveled across the country as a trainer for a software company, utilizing computer and systems knowledge gained through my work at Fred Meyer. I would miss my family - my parents (now divorced), brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews - save for my one brother, his wife and kids - were still in the Portland area. But moving to that tiny town liberated me.

I’ve always loved the arts. I’ve devoured books since I could read and love writing. I studied dance throughout my youth, performing in recitals and school plays. I was a magician’s assistant for a brief time. My social conscience is well-developed - I was class secretary as a high school sophomore, and I frequently volunteer. At some point, though - during my tenure at Fred Meyer, and maybe in my marriage - I stagnated, and away from Portland I felt freer to expand my boundaries. An excellent benefit of my software training job was travel, and during days before and after my trainings, I explored new places on my own: New Orleans, San Francisco, Louisville. I visited friends and family in St. Louis and the DC area. We now lived near Denver and Santa Fe. My outlook broadened.

I didn’t realize until I saw an opening for a position at the local library that it was my dream job. The software company had folded, and I was doing office work at a large ranch. But I was just biding my time. I knew I was perfect for the library and it for me. I detailed these thoughts and more in an essay to the hiring committee, and after two intense but fun “gang interviews”, I was offered a position as a library paraprofessional. I loved being among the books, and the library was a gathering place for open-minded people whose ideas I respected. I ordered and catalogued materials, sleuthed for answers to reference questions, and wrote the library column in the newspaper. I became Miss Mary the Story Lady, administered the summer reading program, and organized fundraisers. Until now, save for an occasional burst, my creativity and activism had been underutilized. In a small community, one can see the difference one’s efforts make. I became the President of the Pagosa Women’s Club. I got involved in church as secretary of the Parish Council. I joined a book group. I started practicing ballet again.

At 37 years old, fulfilled in my work and having made a place for myself in the community, it struck me: I wanted a baby BAD! Brian and I had tried on and off to get pregnant, but when it never happened, he wasn’t as disappointed as I was. After a couple of years, he moved north to Aspen for work, and I stayed in Pagosa Springs. Even if I had to do it alone, I needed to become a mom.

In mid-1999, I met and fell in love with a sheriff’s deputy named Joel Loudermilk who was also anxious to start a family. We married December 23, 1999, and Eva was born December 20, 2000, three days before our first anniversary. We bought a house in a community closer to Joel’s job in Durango, and I became the Assistant Director of the town library in Ignacio, CO, where I brought Eva to work with me until she got big enough to pull books off the shelves. Our little life was perfect.

Late 2001: more police drama (I must interject here and say that while both of my husbands were police officers at one time, I am no cop groupie. Everyone who knew the stoner me in high school was blown away that I was a librarian and married to “the man”). Anyway, Joel was demoted, and since he had family in Oregon too, he applied for jobs here. We ended up in Klamath Falls. I left a job and home I loved, but we were closer to family. Though my husband was struggling professionally and I hated Klamath Falls, I was determined to be a supportive partner. I found a part-time minimum wage position with the local library. It was fun, but not fiscally feasible, so I became a receptionist at the local newspaper office - still minimum wage, but full-time.

Just before Eva’s 2nd birthday and Christmas, Joel blindsided me by having me served with divorce papers. While we’d had some problems and had been to counseling, I was stunned. Once I regained my composure, though, I realized that Eva and I would be better off on our own. My family rallied around me wonderfully, but Eva and I stayed in Klamath Falls for three more years. I felt the need to make a go of it, and not slink away with my tail between my legs. I wanted Eva to be near her dad, but we also visited our family in Portland monthly. I bought a small cottage that was perfect for the two of us, complete with picket fence. I was hired as a school secretary at an alternative high school, where I created a working library from donated materials, and began a breakfast and lunch program for those kids who desperately needed nourishment for their bodies as well as their minds. I became politically active by becoming a precinct committeeperson. I performed in ‘The Vagina Monologues’ for three consecutive years as a fundraiser for the Klamath Crisis Center. When the school’s funding dried up, I was offered a position in a fledgling mentoring and character education program, created in cooperation with the Klamath County Sheriff and District Attorney’s office, and became a mentor myself. One summer when Eva was with her dad, my sister-in-law and I took an RV to the Burning Man Festival in Nevada’s Black Rock desert. I made my life as rich as I could, always keeping in mind the example I was setting for my daughter, and with the goal of making a difference whenever and wherever I could.

Wouldn’t you know I’d get laid off? Another challenge set at my feet just shy of Eva’s birthday and Christmas, 2005.

Eva spent that Christmas with her dad, so I met a high school friend in New York City for the holidays - a last hurrah before the hurdle of the next few months. I’d never been unemployed, and I felt like a loser. I decided two things: I’d had my fill of Klamath Falls, and since Eva would start kindergarten the following September, and I didn’t want to move her once she started school, it was now or never. With the house in Klamath Falls on the market and with my family’s help, Eva and I moved into Mom’s house in Beaverton.

During the next 6 months, I submitted over 160 resumes and applications, and had only 10 interviews. Even with my wealth of experience, my lack of education hurt me. Finally, with just $11 left in unemployment benefits, I was offered 3 jobs in one day: Oregon Education Association, Bonneville Power Administration, and Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory (NWREL).

I’ve been with NWREL over 2 years now. I work in the Volunteer Leadership Center, where (in conjunction with Bank Street College of Education) we organize trainings and provide curricula for AmeriCorps members and VISTAs - Volunteers in Service to America - also known as the domestic Peace Corps. NWREL is the most progressive employer I’ve worked for. I make a good living helping people, the benefits rock, and they’re family-friendly. I’m involved in my labor union, and I help out at Eva’s school when I can. My youngest sister and I teach Sunday school to Eva and her cousin and 20 other first-graders at the church that members of my family have attended for 30 years. We go to Eva's Grandma’s house weekly, visit Eva's Grandpa on his horse farm, and frequently spend time with the over twenty family members who live nearby. We take advantage of our proximity to the coast, ride MAX, and revel in the cultural opportunities the Portland area provides. Eva visits her dad for a long weekend each month during the school year, and for half the summer. Joel and his new wife will make Eva a big sister very soon. We’re on decent terms - we know that Eva is the most important factor in this equation.

I’m still a work in progress, but I’m grateful for where I’ve been, and look forward to where I’m going. And while all of my siblings are successful in their own way, soon my oldest brother will no longer be the only one of us to have graduated college.

Monday, January 19, 2009

From Facebook: 25 Random Things About Me

1. My daughter Eva is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and she happens to me many times every day.
2. I've been married twice and divorced twice, but this doesn't define me. The fact that I still have the optimism to date perhaps partially defines me. And also that I have good relationships with both former spouses.
3. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers and we all like each other. Since we decided to let each other live.
4. Patricia Marie Townsend Watkins Baker, aka Trish Baker, is my oldest and closest friend and if I ever piss her off, she has a load of ammo on me.
5. I have collected many other wonderful friends over the years, some of which are reading this right now.
6. My favorite job ever was as a Children's Librarian, aka Miss Mary the Story Lady, and I won a Colorado Library Association award for my 2001 Summer Reading Program.
7. I love to write. I love words. I love to express myself in creative ways.
8. I can wiggle my ears.
9. My jobs have included barista, magician's assistant, gas station attendant, and ranch gatehouse guard. But so far not exotic dancer or "hostess".
10. As a computer software trainer, I flew over 75,000 miles in 1997, allowing me to earn 3 free tickets to anywhere in the country, and I gave 2 of them away - one to Trish to come visit me when I lived in Colorado, and one to my then-husband Brian to visit his family in Oregon. The third I used to visit my friend Sarah in San Antonio.
11. My heart is defective. It has a congenital defect called a bicuspid valve, which means that the valve has two flaps when it should have three. If it wears out, I'll have to get it replaced, and if I end up with a humongous scar down the middle of my chest, I will get a lovely vine tattoo to decorate it.
12. There is currently one tattoo on my body, a floral design on my right shoulder which has my daughter Eva's name incorporated into the design. This is the second tattoo I have gotten on my right shoulder. The first was a little rosebud that I got when I was 19 (in 1980). By the time it was ready to be re-colored (in 2006), I decided I was tired of it and had it covered instead.
13. I have lived in Missouri, Maryland, Oregon and Colorado, and have moved 25 times in my life - but only 3 times when I was a kid.
14. I love to sing and whistle, and I sang to Eva when she was in my belly. I still sing to her. Mostly Beatles tunes.
15. I have performed in The Vagina Monologues three times, and it isn't as pornographic as it sounds. If you don't know what this is, Google it.
16. I love musicals - and am thrilled to finally have a man in my life who not only appreciates them, but also performs in them!
17. Many of my loved ones own duct tape wallets that I have made for them, and I have spread the love of duct tape wallets hither and yon by teaching others this ususual, fun, and functional craft.
18. I have been to Burning Man, and can't wait to go again. You should Google this one too.
19. I studied ballet, tap and jazz as a child, and dance whenever I can, as if no one is watching.
20. Sometimes I have unbelieveable dreams that I can direct - that is, I can make things go the way I want them to.
21. I love the ocean and seashells so much that my mom says she should have named me Shelly.
22. I hit a bull elk with my car in BF Nowhere Colorado in November of 2000 when I was 8 months pregnant. I tapped him so gently that he only left a minor dent on the hood of my car, and my seat belt didn't even lock up. I have never replaced the car hood to remind myself how lucky (and cheap!) I am. Also, the elk walked away - there was no blood in the snow and no sign of him. Except for the dent and a tuft of fur on my car's grille. I think this elk was a sign for me to slow down.
23. I think that making positive contributions to our community, country and world is one of the most important things we can do, and am raising Eva to be socially conscientious.
24. Some clowns are indeed scary.
25. I have been through a lot in my life, and I consider myself a survivor. I am not afraid to die, and I don't believe in Hell as a device for keeping people in line. I think we make Hell for ourselves right here on Earth, and I believe the opposite is true as well. I DO believe in Heaven, both here on Earth - where I am fortunate enough to recognize that I am living a humble version of it - and Beyond.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Favorite Teachers

Chris Lighter, a former classmate of mine, started a Facebook group called, "Springbrook Class of '79" and invited us to talk about our favorite teachers. I had NO idea the floodgates that would open. This is what I posted:

Mr. Yeager was super fun. Ms. Lloyd (who became Mrs. Jacques), in algebra, was always happy, and Mr. Jacques was cool (not that he taught me). Mr. McCullough was nice, so was Mrs. Feldhuhn (I called her "field hen"). Mrs. Payne was SO great with kids - my little sister Laura who was 4 when we were sophomores was a guinea pig in her Child Development class. Mrs. Sand and Mrs. Solomon were terribly encouraging.

Sue Dawson was the sweetest and extremely tolerant of our homeroom tomfoolery and shenanigans: care to confirm, Trish and Joey? And I forgot how we used to call each other "mangy cur" until I read what she wrote in my yearbook . . .

When I look back, I always feel sorry for Senora Fernandez-Camus . . . I think that we were such a naughty homeroom that she probably went home and cried.

Mr. Shifflet (he will never be anything but Shitfit to me) was really fun and tolerant as well, and Steve Miller will back me on this one. Again, we were smart-alecks and he took it in stride. HAHA! This is what he wrote in my yearbook, "To paraphrase a popular slogan, 'the year isn't over until the lady stops talking.' Your many verbal contributions (?!) have kept an otherwise drowsy class into alert readiness (it was first period). Your writing has always been terrific. Good luck with your novel." Oh yeah - my novel. BRB.

Who was the horticulture teacher with the big teeth? Mr. Mercer. *SO* nice! He had NO idea that we put pot seeds in the soil when we repotted the plants for Dr. Marshall's office.

I had a HUGE crush on Mr. Frace, he was smart and challenged my mind, and he was also kinda cute! I had to clean desks one day after he caught me writing "Lawdy Mama, light my fuse" (a line from Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo) on my desk - HAHAHAHA!

I sense a pattern here.

Mr. Jones (English 10) wrote, "Best of luck always to a real spunky gal" in my yearbook.

Who knew that our yearbooks would ever be used as a reference tool?

I always thought I was kinda bad and mean, but I must have faked the teachers out. Having worked as the school secretary at an alternative high school fairly recently, I realize that we were AMATEURS compared to kids 30 years later. They are way more sophisticated and go for the jugular.

One final thought: it is SO MUCH fun getting to know all of you again! ♥

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Shazam!

At least 5 people read what I wrote . . . SCARY!

And I already have two followers. I wonder if this is how Jesus got his start (cue lightning)?

It's been a great week. I've been getting a lot done at work, which blows me away because it's the first full work week after being gone for most of the past three - what with the holiday and snow days. I feel super-exhausted, but it's good to be back into a routine.

My daughter Eva. If you know her you get why that's a complete sentence.

This past weekend Eva returned from two weeks with her dad. She turned 8 while she was gone and I love her so much I can hardly stand it. Not that I pined away for her the whole time she was gone, but that's a whole 'nother blog post. Suffice it to say I got my groove back.

We're relearning the whole get up, shower, get dressed, eat, get-Eva-to-school-and-me-on-the-train-to-work-on-time routine. Without yelling or crying and only one petite attempt by Eva to stay home from school with her patented "I Don't Feel Good" routine - and I tried to not hurt her feelings by laughing too hard, but an "itchy back" is not reason enough to miss school and spend the day at Grandma's house in your jammies. Nice try, though.

And I'M the one who's been sick. Probably just allergies, but it's the sneezing and the coughing and the snotty nose and exhaustion. Bleargh.

Still, it's been a good week and here's why: Eva's home. I love my job. My parents and siblings ROCK, because even when we don't get to talk or see each other I know they're there. I have friends and family whose names I see in my inbox and pictures I see on my Facebook friends, and we have these random encounters that make me smile. The snow is gone and life is back to (ab)normal. It's a new year and I feel optimistic about things again.

YAY!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Baby Steps

Usually I am a woman of many words. But I am having trouble coming up with them at the moment, because I am not quite certain how to begin. For years I have lamented not keeping a diary or journal, but my regret has never extended to the point of starting one. Now is the time. As with many of my endeavors, I have mused about it enough to have a vague idea of what I would like to accomplish . . . BUT! I will just make it up as I go along, because that is often my M.O. Sometimes one just has to jump in! It can't be THAT hard, can it? Sometimes it will be just stream-of-consciousness babbling, but I really want to get into the habit of writing, and I am hoping that blogging will provide me with the forum and discipline I need. If someone gets enjoyment out of my writing, even better. But for now my motives are selfish.

My writing life to date has mainly consisted of correspondence, and I have written many essays, and I have even published articles, some of which I will probably post here. I like the idea of having all of my writing in one spot, so this shall be it. I will most likely post some pictures here as well. I take enough of them. Mostly of my daughter. I saw an article today about a person who takes a photo every day of the year as a visual diary. I like that idea. I often take pictures, but don't necessarily do it daily. One thing at a time. My pictures and writing will most likely be random, but it's a good start!

If you have read this far - Thanks! I will do my best to keep it interesting and may soar past navel-gazing to something worthwhile and entertaining.

Stay tuned.